With it being Valentine's Day, I feel the need to address this. It's been getting on my nerves for a while, and I would just really appreciate it if everyone would see where I was coming from.
Since the boyfriend and I broke up, I don't necessarily see the point of me ever being in a major, serious relationship. I used to have to be with someone to be happy. I couldn't make myself happy and I would just go from relationship to relationship. This was especially true in high school, and I know I hurt some of you out there, and I'm sorry. I was just always looking for something better.
When I was 17 I suddenly found that everyone I was interested in just didn't want anything serious with me. It was the same story every time. We would be in the talking stages, you know, getting to know one another when all of a sudden I was dropped like a hot potato. Cue the trust problems and daddy issues, folks!
That all being said, this happened for three years. That was plenty of time for me to focus on making myself happy, doing whatever I wanted, and just being the beautiful, strong, independent lady that I am. Then, le boyfriend happened, and it's kind of amazing how quickly I reverted to depending on him for my happiness. So you can kind of just imagine how bloody upset I was when he decided we shouldn't be together anymore. Yeah, independent Danielle had just kind of left the building for about 5 months, and I reallllllly needed her to come back.
She DID come back after I decided to go vegan, rearranged ALL of my furniture in my apartment alone, and just realised that I was about a million times better off. As I said in my first blog post, I'm not bitter, the ex and I are still really close, like, we talk more than we did when we were together.
Anyway, this is all beside the point I want to make. I, personally, am much happier outside of a relationship where I don't depend on anyone to make me happy. That being said, I don't see myself getting married, in fact, I don't really want to get married; I just want a really damn pretty ring (which I can provide for myself one day), and to be able to wear a pretty dress and have everyone stare at me (haha). Seriously though, every time I bring this up to someone they ALL say, "Oh, you'll find someone, one day. Don't give up now, you're too young."
Ex-fucking-scuse me.
I'm "giving up" because I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone? I'm "too young" to make this kind of life altering decision? I make life altering decisions every single day. I'm not "giving up", I'm deciding that I'm better than losing my independence and happiness to be with someone. I'll find someone? I'M NOT LOOKING FOR ANYONE!
I much prefer to live alone, pay my own bills, and support myself. As to having children? That's going happen when I can financially and emotionally support another living human being that will be dependent on me for at least 18 years of its life. I don't need a significant other to have or raise a baby. I can do that on my own when I'm good a ready to.
Me choosing to be single for the rest of my life more than most likely doesn't mean I'm giving up, or that I'm too cynical. I just don't want to be with anyone. I would much rather you ALL support my decision instead of telling me that I'll find someone. That makes me mad and makes me think that you think too less of me to be able to live my life alone and independently.
Okay, I'm off my soapbox I think. I hope everyone has a good Valentine's Day, even though I don't really think this should be a holiday. Love everyone everyday, not just one day a year.
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